A Man on The Inside
A Guide on Feminism for my Younger Self and Other Transgender Men
Self-Discovery and Identity
Always be unapologetically you. You may not understand it yet, but being a transgender person is equally a blessing as it is a curse. Though you face a long journey in understanding yourself, eventually you will, with a richness stronger than cis-gendered people. You will experience pride in who you are. Discovering who you are rewards you with a resilience to protect your individual values. Some may call your pride stubbornness, but do not listen to them. Instead allow your pride to manifest in yourself all the qualities of being a good person: loyalty, compassion, and authenticity. Your unique journey will also enable you to hear the loudness of misogyny within the world in greater detail, and the quietness of misogyny with a first-hand edition gender-bender's stethoscope™.
Understand that medically transitioning isn’t what makes somebody a ‘valid transgender person.’ Everybody's journey to self-discovery is theirs alone. Support all of them through their journey, even if it differs to yours. Know that there may still be space for growth after your personal intended destination with your transition, which in your case does involve medical intervention. Don’t let this worry you. It can be easy to feel aimless after such an arduous journey. Your aim now is to continue exploring the world and your identity within a body that feels like home.
The Importance of Intersectionality
Understand that feminism is equally about deconstructing oppressive systems such as gendered stereotypes, transphobia, homophobia, racism, and ableism as it is for dismantling oppression against women. These all intersect with sexism. Kimberlé Crenshaw is right on the mark with her notion of intersectionality being ‘a lens, a prism, for seeing the way in which various forms of inequality often operate together and exacerbate each other’.
Intersectionality in feminism acknowledges the complexities of the oppressive systems in society. It helps us recognise the continuing pursuit of discrimination upon other marginalised groups. Transgender women of colour face the most violence not just because they are transgender but because they are equally being attacked by transphobia, misogyny and racism all at once.
By looking through this lens of intersectionality, we can foster strong solidarity to challenge these systems together. As a transgender man, I am no longer as personally affected by misogyny, but I have experienced a lot of misogyny in the past and have seen it affect others throughout my life. Moving from one oppressed group to another, I can identify how crucial intersectionality is. Having experienced it from separate viewpoints, the inequality afflicted onto each group, though unique in expression, stems from interconnected systems of oppression.
A Double Agent of Privilege
It is important to recognize the privileges that I have. I may be a transgender man, but first and foremost I am just a man. And to most of the world I am assumed as a cisgender man, as I am at a point in my transition where I ‘pass,’ and by the functioning stereotypes in society, my masculinity presumes me cisgender. The term ‘Passing’ is often used in the transgender community, meaning that people in your life, whom you are not out to, from strangers to colleagues, regard you as your transitioned sex.
It is the scariest phenomenon to cross over from the sphere of womanhood to manhood and to notice so explicitly the misogyny all around us and the privileges men have. One of the things I noticed immediately is that people listened to me differently; they don't interrupt me, and they value my ideas a lot more. Before transitioning, I used to find myself feeling so frustrated when arguing with cis men, believing that my inability to carry myself well during confrontation was a biological part of me, a result of hormonal mood swings. Instilled in me through the audacious, ‘is it that time of the month?’. No, it isn't. I can make your face bleed if you'd like?
I carry myself well during conflict now because I feel heard. Women are just fed up with not being listened to.
I also recognize that I experience privilege through the fact that I am white, that I initially could afford to transition medically through private healthcare and that now at a later stage I can sustain my medical transition through the NHS, in a country that provides free healthcare. I acknowledge that I live in a country that supports free healthcare for all genders, in particular the support of abortion rights and birth control, which directly affects me and which as a constantly debated issue, I stand proudly with women for.
It is imperative that I use this privilege to stand up for marginalized voices and to challenge systematic injustices that in some cases I have experienced from the inside out. It is vital that I support those who may receive inequality and transphobia for not ‘passing.’ Transwomen especially need to be advocated for, as one of the most targeted groups in society. Most transphobia is directed towards them and not transgender men. A display of the way that the patriarchy conducts its misogyny. The hidden misogyny of transphobia.
Having experienced misogyny from the inside and out, I can use my authentic understanding to empathize with those that suffer the effects of misogyny, using my insight and my privilege to stand up for those marginalized voices.
Toxic Masculinity
Reject toxic masculinity. It can be so easy for transgender men to fall into this mindset, to ‘pass,’ to validate themselves, perhaps to fit in with a social group. You do not need this validation, and it will suffocate your identity.
Growing up in a household that saw a lot of toxic masculinity, I was able to recognize the implications that this attitude can have on yourself and those around you.
Men who suffer from toxic masculinity seem to not only detest when men exhibit feminine traits, but they also reject women that show masculine traits, in personality and physical forms. As a child I used to wonder ‘Why is my dad so angry that I wear boy’s clothes? I feel more comfortable and look more like him, why does he dislike that?’ When I started the dreaded puberty, it was so confusing, as a young teenager I wondered ‘Why is my father so upset that I have hair on my legs? It does not affect him. Why is he now upset that the hair on my head is short? I thought he didn’t like the hair on my body? Now he does?’
We secretly lived in a matriarchal household. By secret I mean everyone in that house knew, but nobody wanted to wake the baby and cause a tantrum. My mother was always supporting us financially while my father struggled to stick to a job, and I think my father felt threatened by this constantly. So, he would make comments on myself and my mother’s appearance all the time, my mother getting it a lot worse.
I will admit that in the initial stages of my transition I held my tongue when encountered with misogyny, even as I got a little older, I found it nerve-racking to confront things such as locker room talk, and my friends being cat-called. Back then I was so scared to be recognized as transgender and potentially hate crimed, as I have been in the past. The stealth that I have now, years into my transition has given me a voice that isn't afraid to speak up. All transgender men who find confidence and security in this voice should use it to tackle head on, any hostility, sexual entitlement or many other forms of toxic masculinity that is used as an attack towards women.
Body Autonomy
You’ve fought your whole life to feel comfortable within your body. Do not allow the patriarchy to have control over it. Resist societal pressures to conform. Do whatever the fuck you want with your physical experiences and appearances if it feels like you. Wear what you want, have your hair how you want, body hair or no body hair, shape your body through weightlifting, or don't. Use binders if you want to do that. Use your body to the fullest extent. If you want to compete in sports, become a dancer or a professional boxer, do it. If you want to use your voice in parliament, go for it. Enter whatever spaces your passions will take you. They will only turn back to cis women if you prevent yourself anyway. Let them react and eventually stop reacting. Be a part of the moments in history where we persisted until the patriarchy stopped.
Stand with women in their fight for body autonomy. Be pro-choice. Preach that clothes are not consent. Always protest for women's rights of their bodies if you are in a safe position to do so. Don’t idolize impossible beauty standards in the media. Instead, celebrate diverse body types and physical differences.
Breaking Binary Thinking
You likely understand most that gender roles are nonsense. Don’t let
them mingle with how you really feel. If you are a transgender man, you
don't have to present yourself in a masculine way and if somebody is a
transgender woman she doesn’t have to present herself in a feminine way.
A masculine transwoman is valid
.
, a masculine cisgender woman
is valid. A feminine transman is valid, a feminine cisgender woman is
valid. A gender specific presenting nonbinary person is valid. Gender
expression does not equal gender identity.
If cisgender people can present masculinely or femininely irrespective of their gender, so can transgender people. Maybe one day you want to present differently and that's okay, maybe newfound gender euphoria compels you to do something different with your look, go for it! You are not rigid; you are allowed to change. So, wear what you want, what makes you feel confident and comfortable. Participate in hobbies that bring you joy. Do whatever the hell makes you happy.
Gender does not equal sexuality. Turn away from heteronormative ideas about sexuality. It is okay to be transgender and homosexual, it is not a case of one or the other. Being a homosexual transgender man does not make you feminine and being a homosexual transgender woman does not make you masculine. And of course, it’s okay to be greedy if you are bisexual.
I am bisexual, I'm allowed to make that joke.
Never suppress your sexuality because of your gender identity. It took me up until a year ago to come out as bisexual, twenty-one years into my life and six years after I started my transition, because I felt emasculated liking other men. Never think like this, a connection between sexuality and gender doesn't exist! It is bullshit!
Intersectional Allyship
Transgender men must support women in their intersectional allyship. From things such as protesting harmful legislation to expressions of femininity. Any transgender men who express and engage with feminine things are crucial in dismantling toxic masculinity. Proudly engaging with these aspects challenges social norms in such a subtle yet powerful way. Be deliberate about how you engage with femininity as an ally to women. There is a difference between being an ally and an associate as a transgender person. You are often both of these things but sometimes one or the other due to the nature of being stealth.
An area where women and transgender people are constantly criticized is in the world of sports. You will see the same cis men that ridicule women's football, that mock their skill and the drastic difference in men's to women's salaries turn around and lay down their lives to “protect” women's sports from transgender women. These same men will not comment on trans men in sports, I don’t actually think they know that we exist?
Blaire Fleming, a transgender college student on the San Jose state volleyball team, has received a disqualification from her sport after having no problems for four years on the team and recently being unjustly outed. Despite being in the biological ranges of her female teammates. It is incredibly unfair, the world needs to understand most oppression against transgender women is blatant misogyny.
Those most attacked within our intersectional community must be looked out for. Transwomen, particularly in sports as of late, need our support. Men will love to hate on women's sports until transgender people are involved. Suddenly they must “save” women's sports at all costs in an armour of ego to shine off their transphobia. Do not let these types of men pretend to care about women's rights. No women's rights are being taken here except the rights of transgender women to compete in sport.
Confronting Internalized Misogyny
Feminism must challenge us all. All men, all women and nonbinary people need to examine how we often internalize heteronormative and patriarchal systems including those relating to gender and what global impact this will have on the future. However, it is also important that feminists do not erase any characteristic they value that may have been derived from the patriarchy or femininity, it should be solely up to the individual. If a woman's actions seemingly comply with stereotypical gender roles, that is her decision to make. Dictating this would only take away women's agency further. We should recognize and gender neutralize those things in our society that are currently under gender specific roles, through androgynous language, but never control what a person does or how they want to express themselves.
As transgender men you need to recognize that gender dysphoria can transfer into misogyny. You need to stop this from happening. You will only resent yourself and the world around you. Challenge your self-doubt and shame. It is okay to reject femininity from yourself but do not reject it as a concept, it is okay if it is an expression that personally does not suit you.
Anything you engage with that is typically feminine is okay too, gender is a construct, there are no rules! Cultivate self-passion and self-love, appreciate everybody's expressions even if they differ from your own.
Creating Inclusive Spaces
Advocate for inclusive environments: workplaces, schools, healthcare, and community centers. Gain experience in them firsthand. Go to queer events and make connections with everyone to build a stronger community. Support feminist artists of all kinds. Demand that accessibility, respect, and representation is provided in as many places as possible, to create an inclusive world for everyone.
Be mindful of language and how language can be exclusionary to many groups of people, put effort into speaking with consideration of women, transgender people, people with disabilities. Call people out when they use language that excludes certain groups, even if that group is not known to be there, it is good practice!
Empowerment Through Vulnerability
Embrace vulnerability as strength, your first-hand experience of what it is like to be seen as a woman and experience misogyny in the world is a power tool. The experience of that prejudice flipping once you pass, use this unique lens to be a powerful feminist.
Do not be afraid of love and intimacy, you will find it. Share your story whilst making sure you engage with and are listening to others. Cultivate resilience. Do not focus on likeability, speak your mind always if it is the right thing to say. If people disagree with your values, do not hold onto them, let them go. It is so easy to fall back and be quiet, especially fearing the repercussions because you are part of a marginalized group. Rise above this and you will be a powerful feminist.